Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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