She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
