Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
