Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
