Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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