apparently the secret to your success is patron
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
