it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
