Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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