My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
