She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
