i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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