why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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