Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
