Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
