He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
