Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
