GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
