Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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