Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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