i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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