So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
