therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I checked into jail on foursquare
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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