I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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