Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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