i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
