well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
