Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
