I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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