You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
