Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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