i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
