Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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