Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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