does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
