Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
soo... how was my night?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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