He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
