im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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