one two three fourrrrnication!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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