anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
