Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
