So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
