You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
