he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
