I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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