He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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