chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
