I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
