Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
