Will you blow on my dice?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
