I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
